How to get likes on LinkedIn — A guide for meaningless empathetic fluff

In this short guide, I’ll show you how you can create posts in LinkedIn that will get you lots of likes.

Since NUMBERS are your goal, the most numbers are found in stupid people. There are freaking tons of stupid people on LinkedIn

Because of a low IQ level, they believe themselves as “specials individuals”. They “deserve more” because they are special, beautiful and an fucking unique snowflake.

So tell them that and then wait for the suckers to smash that like button.

Here are my top 7 tips written as simple as I can :)

  1. Start STRONG. The stupid likes headlines that match a tabloid newspaper and junk food news. (Example: “Migrants rob young britons of jobs”)
  2. Stupid people like positive thinking, positive sentiment will get shares and likes
  3. If you’re aim is towards more comments, try neutral language
  4. 10 year old rule: if a 10 year old can’t understand it, it’s not going to get you likes.
  5. Easy on the brain: Include a list in your post, people like lists, they are easy to digest
  6. Write a “HOW TO” post, keep it short. The stupid thinks that an article on “HOW TO get a job in 5 easy steps” will help them by doing as little effort as possible, 5 steps, and if possible just 1 step…to read the article should be enough
  7. and lastly, don’t forget to market yourself….

On your path to become the messiah of the STUPID, you should learn from the best.

SO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO here are the LinkedIn Jesuses and Buddas (or the influencers)

#oleg hashtag#olegvishnepolsky Oleg Vishnepolsky Brigette Hyacinth Talal Al Murad Bill Brinkle hashtag#teamuniter hashtag#merchantnavy hashtag#shippingindustry hashtag#careers hashtag#recruiters hashtag#kb hashtag#uaejobs hashtag#opportunities hashtag#helpinghands Dino Pacella Shubham (Yashi) Agnihotri hashtag#brigettehyacinth

Oleg Vishnepolsky

https://www.linkedin.com/in/vishnepolsky/

  • Oleg’s title is Global CTO (whatever that means) at the junk food newspapers Metro.Co.Uk & DailyMail Online. (do they call them junk food newspapers, or just junk newspapers ?)

he is working for -> “Home Australia Mother of two, 30, reveals how she earned $ 15,000 on FACEBOOK by selling old junk” and if Beyonce has her 4th kid or not….

but in he’s free time, when takes time off from his CTO businesses, he post on LinkedIn and …. he’s a total different person.
On LinkedIn he’s an Archangel sent from God himself to spread love and happiness to unemployed Indians (India is a big fan of Oleg for some reason…I don’t understand why)

A simple stupid post from Oleg results in a massive 32k likes and 2.5k comments

but from time to time Oleg writes longer posts too.

as you can see in action, rules start strong, “help others” crap, 10 year old, a list easy on the brain (just 2 items)

https://www.linkedin.com/in/kirsty-bonner/
Kirsty Bonner

and here’s a famous post from her. As you can see, she isn’t shy to start strong (point number #1), include a list, and the 10 year old rule

an example of a post with 8k likes on LinkedIn

and… doing a simple word count we find that the most words she uses:

  1. One word: please 40 (0.9%)3. don’t 36 (0.8%)4. kirsty 28 (0.7%)5. bonner28 (0.7%)6. kb 26 (0.6%)7. will 21 (0.5%)8. cv21 (0.5%)9. am20 (0.5%)10. resume20 (0.5%)
  2. Two Words: if you 29 (0.7%)2. kirsty bonner28 (0.7%)3. hashtag kb26 (0.6%)4. bonner hashtag25 (0.6%)5. you are23 (0.5%)6. in the21 (0.5%)7. cv resume20 (0.5%)8. i am18 (0.4%)9. please kirsty16 (0.4%)10. the comments15 (0.4%)
  3. 3 any thoughts please 15 (0.4%)5. hashtag kb hashtag15 (0.4%)6. kb hashtag jobseekers12 (0.3%)7. in the comments11 (0.3%)8. thoughts please kirsty10 (0.2%)9. anything to add9 (0.2%)10. to add please9 (0.2%)

Sometimes you don’t have time for a post, just steal (pardon… share) a quote from someone, put it in a nice frame, it will do just as good

while I was scrolling the endless shit posted by Brigette I came across a video of hers where

you can clearly see she makes a beginner mistake that a freaking Leadership of the Future like her shouldn’t. Can you spot it ? I draw a red arrow :)

Create a powerful very short story

What they? Let me explain,

The shot story have one mission, to make you hit that like button and make the GP think that it’s author is a Buddha / Jesus / Mohame

Here’s a common short story, apparently originating from this Ben.

Ben is working for a 5 (or 3) people company where 2 of them are remote in Nigeria. He doesn’t have a HR, he doesn’t have a secretary, but he has a talent for creating short stories

some don’t even bother to change some words ….

Can you think of a short story that you result the hero and some bad HRs, CEOs, CIO are getting punished ?

Make add some “cancer”, “rape”, “sexism”, “racism” to it ? Add single mother, add single father, add “no money”. example

you notice the last #hashtag :)

maybe you can combine it with “career, job seeking topic?”

Search some motivational stories, make them short, post them on LinkedIn. Even a monkey could do this.

A half smart person would know that if you say $99.443 per year salary is fake as fuck. But hey… if it’s an exact number it must be legit right ?

The Special Olympics Winners

let’s get some likes out of him, shall we

The proud relative

in some countries, you’re not allowed to have a boyfriend if you work as a flight attendant

The “What means to be a TRUE leader picture” or “look at me mom, I’m a social influencer that knows how animals behave’

wow, a “Group Service Quality Leader” with a PhD in Animal Behavior, now that’s RARE

The Stupid Test

the only thing showing is how stupid you are

There’s a category of people that all they do, is share cancer stories and their victory over them

yet another generic, inspirational story, targeted at single moms with a big dream

Here are couple of hashtags that are popular

  • #ff, #followfriday, #followback, #giveaway, #contest, #win. #competition

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